Editor's Corner Excerpted from the June 2002 Newsletter Using your space Do you ever feel unnoticed? Unappreciated? Unheard? Might you just as well be invisible? Maybe you've decided it's because of what you look like or who you are and it just makes you feel mad or frustrated. There are two kinds of invisible one results in your being ignored and overlooked based on your audience's biases and assumptions or on the vibes you give off. The other focuses people on your ideas, having the potential to sidestep personal evaluations. While we can't reprogram other people's thinking, we can substantially increase our chances of focusing people on our ideas by filling our allotted space not too much, not too little, but just right. A small gift delivered in a large box looks awkward and insignificant. A huge present overflowing that same box looks equally out of place. Both invite distraction quite apart from the value of the gift. But when the present comfortably fills the box, there's no such distraction and all attention focuses on the gift. It's the same with us. If we take up our full space not more nor less the audience can focus on our gift: the message. And that's why these things are vital: a good handshake, firm grip, but no bone crusher; interested focused eye contact, but no staring; strong voice, not whispering, not shouting; solid sure posture and gestures and a mind focused on the ideas. Are you taking up your full space? Not too much, not too little, but just right. "What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly." -- Carl Rogers Dear teach Fred Martinez, Production, San Francisco Chronicle: "I recently had to deliver a eulogy for my mother. I've never had to do anything like this before and wasn't sure how to handle it. Then I remembered your tip about taking the standpoint that 'I have some information I'd like to share with you' and it really made the eulogy easier to present to the attendees. "I know The Lord helped calm my spirit but your class gave me the confidence I needed to pay tribute to my mother. "Thank you Barbara, your class really worked!" First person Kim Schafer, Pediatrics Coordinator, Advanced Bionics Corporation: "Well, as with all presentations, changes have to be made as you go along. With the group I had it turned into constant Q & A, but they left with answers to their very important questions and I felt good about it. That is what counts. I am sure I used my hands much better and have cleaned up the 'Ummm'!! "Thanks for your help." Jaime Romero, Manager Data Storage, Teradata A division of NCR: "Thanks for the great presentation skills seminar. The things that I am currently using are the idea that 'it is not about me' and also pausing in order to get focused. Getting ahead of myself only leads to using 'UHs.' I am definitely watching out not to get ahead of myself. The whole process of thinking that I want to share information with the audience has a soothing effect that helps me feel at ease when speaking. "You have provided many tips that will surely make me an effective speaker. "As they say, practice makes perfect. Well, at least better." Dealing with dominators "What is the best way to deal with individuals who continually use class time to try to get their own problems solved?" While we could admire someone for trying to make the training session as personally useful as possible, it's not fair to everyone else to depart from the agenda. Give the other participants a chance to weigh in on whether the topic is relevant to them. To the participant: "That sounds challenging." To the class: "Is that something that you'd all like to spend some time discussing?" Or: "That's a pretty specific case of our general topic. If we're going to get you out of here on time, we're going to need to stay on the agenda. But I can stay afterwards to talk about it with you. And any of the other participants who have ideas can offer them at that time." Or: "That sounds like a mess. Would you write your question on a sticky note and post it on the question board? Class, would you read it over at the break and if you have any suggestions you can share them then." Try including these in your presentations "Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go." William Feather "Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy." -- Gretta Brooker Palmer "Advice would be more acceptable if it didn't always conflict with our plans." Anonymous "If you want happiness for an hour take a nap. If you want happiness for a day -- go fishing. If you want happiness for a year -- inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime -- help someone else." -- Chinese Proverb "To every disadvantage there is a corresponding advantage." -- W. Clement Stone "Our real blessings often appear to us in the shapes of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience, and we soon shall see them in their proper figures." -- Joseph Addison "Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours." -- Anonymous "If your house is on fire, warm yourself by it." -- Spanish Proverb "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." -- Anais Nin

Our search for surprise successes I'm looking for stories about people who have used the principles from our book and seminars to conquer a limitation in some other area than speaking. If you, or someone you know fits this description, please send an e-mail that briefly describes the person and the accomplishment to Barbara@BarbaraRocha.com. Orders Think gifts. Someone you know is going to be giving more presentations soon. Give them a practical gift that will make those presentations easier and more effective. Learn more or Order Online. Book "Getting Over Yourself: A Guide to Painless Public Speaking...and More" by Barbara Rocha 208 pages, illustrated, cartoons $19.95 Audiotape or CD ROM The "Getting Over Yourself" book on audiotape read by the author ($17.95) or CD ROM ($19.95). Booklets by Barbara Rocha: $9.95 each (+$1.50 Shipping and Handling) "Pocket Guide for Presenters" 103 pages "60 Ways to Spark Your Speaking: Just in time answers to frequently asked questions" 154 pages "Love to Talk/Hate to Speak: Selected articles by Barbara Rocha" 121 pages Speeches on Tape: "From Bored Room to Board Room" $10.95 "Stand Up and Stand Out" $10.95 Video "Getting Over Yourself: A Guide to Painless Public Speaking" featuring Barbara Rocha in excerpts from her book, seminar classes and interactive coaching. VHS $99.95 Learn more Order Online Call (888) 800-2001 E-mail: BouldinHil@aol.com Write: Bouldin Hill Press at 17-555 Bubbling Wells Rd., Desert Hot Springs, CA 92241 Seminars **How to Overcome the Stress of Public Speaking Pasadena: 3-day workshop May 6, 7, and 8, 2009. We have two public seminars each year: May and November (adjusted to October this year for the election). If you have several people who could use this training, contact us regarding an in-house seminar. As a refresher, workshop graduates (from any of our 3-day workshops) may attend for half price at any time. People tell us they get as much or more out of the workshop the second time around. Visit our seminars section for details or call (888)800-2001 For more information, contact: Barbara Rocha and Associates PO Box 60521, Pasadena, California 91116 (626) 792-8075 or toll free at (888) 800-2001